Creating a Good Fit: A Guide to Finding an IFS Therapist for You
We know that finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and who is effective at helping you can feel like a daunting search. It’s one thing to decide that you want or need therapy. But from there, how do you wade through the countless treatment types, credentials, and specializations, let alone determine the qualities and ineffable chemistry that makes a therapist a good fit?
The process of finding a helpful therapist for you isn’t too different from meeting anyone new with whom you’re considering spending more time. You don’t know whether to commit until you’ve spent enough time together, and can gauge how easy it is to open up and be honest about yourself.
Even if you know you want to begin IFS therapy specifically, it can be hard to know how to find an IFS therapist who’s a good fit for you. You may wonder what are the IFS-specific qualities to look for, in addition to things to keep in mind generally when searching for a therapist.
We get it, we’ve been there, and, we’ve got you covered! In this blog, we’ll take you through our top tips when searching for an IFS therapist. Getting input from as many parts as possible is so helpful to feeling aligned, even if you’re not sure how to do that just yet. This kind of Self-led listening will help you determine which IFS therapist would be the best fit for you.
All Parts are Welcome
When you’re suffering it can be hard to trust that “all parts are welcome” and you may question what that even means. Getting started in therapy can feel intimidating or overwhelming, whether it’s your first time or not. It’s common to have mixed feelings as you begin—perhaps even conflicted with parts that are polarized: goal-oriented parts driven to see results, at odds with other sides of you feeling pessimistic that any approach will work.
You might enter therapy feeling scared you’ll uncover new things about yourself that you don’t like, or feel uncertain you’ll be able to handle the changes you desire. It’s common to experience conflicting feelings about starting therapy—to have skepticism, worry, hope, and hopelessness—perhaps all at once!
Far from being thrown off, skilled IFS therapists expect and welcome protective parts, especially skeptical or pessimistic ones, while earning their trust and building confidence in the process. When beginning IFS therapy, you should have the sense that your therapist listens so well that all parts of you feel welcomed, understood, and not judged— even those that present difficulties or can be intense. If you’re having trouble believing this or feel confused, it’s more than okay to ask your therapist outright: how would they approach working with your particular challenging parts?
In IFS, we believe that all parts serve a purpose and have positive intentions, even if their actions or beliefs may be causing distress or seem to sabotage our best interests.
A skilled IFS therapist will approach each part with curiosity and compassion, helping you to understand and appreciate the role it plays in your internal system, which in turn can lead to change.
The Importance of Self Energy
One unique aspect of IFS therapy is the focus on accessing and leading from Self energy. A skilled IFS therapist should be able to embody and model Self energy during your sessions. This means they approach you and your parts with curiosity, compassion, calmness, clarity, courage, creativity, connectedness, and confidence (known as the 8 C's of Self in IFS).
When interviewing potential therapists, pay attention to how you feel in their presence. Do you sense a genuine warmth and openness? Do they listen attentively and respond thoughtfully? These can be indicators of a therapist's ability to access and work from Self energy.
A good IFS therapist should also be able to help you recognize and access your own Self energy. They should be skilled at guiding you to differentiate between your parts and your Self, and to lead your internal system from a clearer, calmer, more compassionate place within. This is a crucial aspect of IFS therapy, as it empowers you to find your own answers and to bring healing attention to your parts, in session and beyond.
If you sense that a therapist is at all critical or averse to any of your parts, they may not be a good fit for you, especially if they are reticent to address the connection your parts have to them. If you find yourself holding back or feeling unable to be fully honest with your therapist, it's worth exploring your parts’ concerns about sharing.
In IFS, we know even the best therapists can get too blended with their own parts in therapy, and yet well-trained, Self-led IFS therapists are encouraged to routinely be aware of when that is happening, and to repair any ruptures with their clients. Often this kind of process can be an incredibly healing corrective experience in and of itself, while also creating a stronger therapeutic alliance leading to deeper work.
There is More than One Way to Cook an Egg (and to Practice IFS!)
IFS is a versatile therapy, and different people often find different approaches to parts work more helpful than others, and different ways of speaking about it as well. You don’t have to use all, or any, of the IFS terms, including the word parts. A skilled IFS therapist will be able to relate to you naturally, using language that fits for you and your inner world.
It’s important to make sure your IFS therapist has access to a wide range of IFS approaches and techniques, and is willing to pivot and try different things if something is not working for you. Paying attention to your internal experience and trying to listen to specific parts feels easier for some people than for others. For some it’s more useful to allow a part to take over entirely as if it’s just one of many characters inside. For others, making the inner world, which can seem very abstract, more concrete is helpful—often by using artwork, collage, figurines, etc. Frequently IFS therapists will use a combination of all three approaches depending on your preferences and how the work is flowing.
If, after a few IFS sessions you keep feeling like you’re doing it wrong, or are made to feel like a “bad client” for not wanting to do what the therapist suggests, that could indicate a poor fit with that particular clinician. If you feel frustration or like you’re not progressing as much as you’d like, it’s more than okay to say so. As Mariel Pastor, IFS TC Co-Founder has learned,
“Everything is feedback, so it’s impossible to fail, most especially with IFS. We know protective parts aren’t being resistant, they’re needing more time. Any well-trained therapist will be willing to shift their style to suit you if they can.”
She continues, “That being said, I’ve never seen anyone who can’t find a way to use a little or a lot of IFS in their therapy or in their day to day life. True IFS is never pushy. It’s OK to take what works for you and leave the rest.”
The importance of good training
While IFS can be easy to learn, it takes dedication and experience for therapists to master. With its growing popularity worldwide, many clinicians and practitioners are now IFS-informed to some degree. To make sure you’re getting IFS therapy that is authentic and true to the model, look for therapists who trained with the IFS Institute and received direct oversight of their work and personal experience working with their own parts.
IFS is a nuanced approach, so a therapist's level of competence matters. At present, there are three levels of official IFS training a therapist may attain, and other kinds of continuing education and consultation. Many, but not all, go on to pursue certification. Attaining Level 3 is an indication of a clinician’s commitment to learning the model, though there is no specific proficiency measure to advance to the next level of training. All therapists at the IFS Telehealth Collective are at least Level 1 trained and receive weekly expert consultation from Lead Trainers Mariel Pastor and Paul Ginter who have nearly sixty years combined experience.
Specialization and Focus
Different IFS therapists may have specialized training, certifications, or simply more clinical experience working with certain populations, issues, or challenges. For example, some may have extensive backgrounds treating trauma, PTSD, or dissociative disorders using IFS and other trauma-informed approaches. Others might specialize in using IFS for eating disorders or addiction. Some IFS therapists might focus their work on maternal mental health or relationship issues.
IFS may be the biggest map of the mind that exists in psychology. As such, therapists often integrate other therapeutic techniques within the IFS framework to best address their clients' unique therapeutic goals and concerns. When considering a therapist's specialization, think about your primary reasons for seeking therapy. Are you primarily seeking therapy for help with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, or something else? Look for a therapist who has experience and success in treating your specific concerns using the IFS model. A therapist who is a good fit for you will be open about how they work and what they believe will best support your healing and facilitate the changes you seek.
It's also worth considering whether you have any preferences regarding the therapist's demographic characteristics. Some clients feel more comfortable working with a therapist of a particular gender, age range, racial or cultural background, neurotype, or sexual orientation. While these factors don't necessarily determine a therapist's competence, they can impact your comfort level and the therapeutic relationship.
Conclusion: Trust the Process
Finding the right IFS therapist is a significant step in your healing journey. It requires careful consideration of a variety of factors, including the therapist's training and experience, their specialization, their ability to create a welcoming environment for all your parts, and their capacity to embody Self energy.
It’s perfectly okay to take your time in this process. Many therapists offer initial consultations, which can be a great opportunity to get a sense of their approach and whether you feel comfortable with them. Trust your intuition and the feedback from your parts – they often have valuable insights about what you need in a therapist.
Ultimately, the right IFS therapist for you is someone who can create a safe, nurturing environment where all your parts feel welcome, who has the skills and experience to guide you through the IFS process, and with whom you feel a genuine connection. With the right therapist by your side, you can embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth.
Remember, the journey of therapy is uniquely yours. Trust in your ability to find the right guide for your path. Your internal family system holds the key to your healing. With the right therapist, you can unlock that potential and move towards a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
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A therapist at the IFS Telehealth Collective can help you find and connect with the parts that need to be seen, heard, and ultimately healed. If you live in California, Florida, Massachusetts, Michigan, New York, or Oregon, please contact our Client Care Coordinator or call 503-447-3244.
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