When the Fix Leaves You Broken: An IFS lens on addiction
Addiction — a term that tends to put people on edge — is everywhere. It’s one thing to talk about it abstractly — Purdue Pharma’s role in the opiate crisis or the lack of resources for the anonymous bottomed-out junkie — but it takes courage to accept, rather than deny our own mindless attempts to self-soothe. So what if you’re “go to” doesn’t work all the time or all that well, if you’re being honest?
All of us can relate to addiction in one way or another, and apparently, our numbers are up. Way up. In a world already increasingly stressful and divided, the initial and sustaining fears and anger surrounding COVID-19 have created a collective trauma. The virus has exacerbated disconnection and isolation, adding fuel to existing and newly discovered addictive behaviors: mindless munching and endless streaming television binges are widespread and generally accepted ways to fill the time, and also the void.
Addictions, particularly compulsive substance use, gambling, eating, shopping, gaming, web surfing or porn use are prevalent and yet, often hidden in our society. However human it is to seek comfort and however universal the compulsive habits may be, glorifying or normalizing addiction isn’t meant to dismiss the severity of the problem for many individuals and societies at large. From March ‘20 to March ‘21, alcohol sales increased 54% and overdose deaths increased by 18.2% in the United States. The use of alcohol and other drugs of addiction were already at an all-time high. There is a simultaneous viral pandemic and addiction epidemic that are leaving people in anguish and despair.
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.”
Though the IFS approach is similar for all kinds of compulsive patterns, here we’ll be focusing on substance abuse as it has a far-reaching impact physically, psychologically, socially, and spiritually.
Advancing the Medical Model
Historically, addiction has been viewed through a medical lens, pathologized as a disease derived from personality deficits or possibly genetics, instead of being a response to unresolved pain that may even go back generations. While the physical body most certainly is impacted by overuse of substances, this traditional view has left people feeling even more isolated and discouraged in their experience.
Internal Family SystemsSM (IFS) Therapy sees addiction differently and applies a systemic view of the mind through which all behaviors can be understood. IFS recognizes that extreme behaviors, including addictions, are fueled by psychological burdens caused by trauma, attachment wounds, and devaluing experiences. With the additional understanding that various parts of the personality interact internally with varying degrees of harmony or conflict, IFS distinguishes itself by viewing trauma and internal opposition as driving forces for the addictive process. IFS trainer and author Cece Sykes, LMSW describes addiction as “a systemic, unremitting inner power struggle or polarity occurring between two extremely oppositional aspects or parts of a person's personality.”
The Internal System
We all have parts of us that feel fragile and vulnerable due to neglect, attachment injuries, boundary violations or other painful experiences. These parts of our personality are typically relegated to the unconscious mind so their pain is not felt; yet, they remain desperate to be comforted, heard and healed. In IFS, these hurt and often childlike parts of us are called exiles, as they go into hiding or are locked away internally.
To avoid vulnerability and past pain — to keep our exiles hidden — and to ensure internal functioning, we naturally develop parts of ourselves that are responsible, competent, future-oriented, risk-avoidant and adept at accomplishing everyday tasks. These parts of the personality are known as managers and they are often empowered in the modern world. Examples include: The Perfectionist, Achiever, Analyzer, Caretaker, Critic, Worry Wart, and Shamer.
When managers fail to protect our vulnerable and hidden parts — which is inevitable no matter how good they are at controlling the inner and outer worlds — we have a second line of defense: firefighters. Less socially-acceptable at their extremes, these parts of our personality spring into protective action to ensure we’re not overwhelmed by the exiles’ emerging pain, memories or derailing beliefs. Since their goal is to get us out of real or imagined danger as quickly as possible, they are often frantic, reactive, impulsive, destructive and courageous parts of us. They may use classic “fight, flight, fawn, or freeze'' survival techniques to pull us away from the present moment and back to safety. Unlike managers, the firefighters’ protective nature goes unappreciated because they can be single-minded and obsessive, showing little concern for the collateral damage they cause internally and externally. Examples of firefighter behaviors include: substance abuse, overeating, procrastinating, rage, gambling, compulsive shopping, rebellion, dissociation, self-harm and compulsive sexual acts.
Addiction and the War Inside: Polarized Protectors
Polarizations happen when parts of our personality work to protect us in conflicting ways. The part of us that yearns for connection and the part that wants to isolate are at odds, for example. Or the part that feels confident about a work task and the part that doesn’t allow us to celebrate ourselves may be in habitual conflict. We experience polarity — an internal power struggle — regularly.
However, when the power struggle is between managers and firefighters, the push and pull to be both impulsive and self-shaming can lead to addiction. Cece Sykes explains the cycle of addiction as “a state of unremitting internal stress that is characterized by extremely compulsive, impulsive, self-destructive Firefighter parts of the personality regularly triggering Manager parts that are extremely harsh and judgmental, fueling intense, inner self-criticism or self-loathing and chronic acting out.”
Beth Magee, LPC, an IFS Telehealth Collective therapist in Oregon, further explains the polarized and cyclical nature of addiction: “If someone is drinking to cope with pandemic-related stress, they might really enjoy the relief they feel at the end of the evening: they might fall asleep easily at night and they’re able to shut off everything around them. But when they wake up in the morning, they feel fatigued and hungover and unable to be present with their children. This makes them feel bad about themselves and back-and-forth, or polarized thinking begins.” As Beth explains, the person enjoys the immediate relief — the firefighter’s positive intention — but they, or their managers, really dislike the ramifications of their coping and work to eradicate it through shame and criticism among many other tactics. To avoid managers’ judgements, the person returns to drinking and the cycle of addiction ensues.
Similarly, addiction can be described as a response to external polarity, or conflict between someone’s internal and external systems. Perhaps a person enjoys the effects of oxycontin, but using it leads them to fight with their partner. When their partner sets a firm boundary around their usage and works to hold the reality of the consequences, the person is faced with an internal conflict: using and feeling relieved or abstaining and feeling pain?
“The primary intention of each position in the polarity is to offer protection to the system from the threat of emotional overload. This power struggle is fueled by the overwhelming fear of the perceived weakness, vulnerabilities and emotional pain in the system from becoming fully exposed.”
IFS & Addiction Treatment
Like most addiction recovery, IFS treatment is nonlinear and may be coupled with detox treatment or addiction recovery programs such as the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Unlike the traditional medical model for recovery, IFS upholds the notion that addiction is a response to buried pain, whether from childhood or from current experiences, such as the pandemic. This perspective is supported by Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) research, which shows a significant correlation between the number of stressful or traumatic childhood experiences and substance use and addiction in adulthood.
The IFS lens is thus non-pathologizing and innately trauma-informed. On the path to recovery, you will be supported in trusting your Self, your authentically wise and loving core, as your healing source. In doing so, you will discover that you have the intrinsic tools to relieve your suffering and past pain and that compulsive external crutches, such as alcohol, porn or shopping are no longer needed to pacify your inner wounding.
A significant portion of the healing process is understanding your protective system and the roles that various parts have acquired to keep you emotionally safe. We are not striving for managers, such as the Inner Critic or the Perfectionist, to manipulate you into abstinence so that firefighters are no longer needed. Instead, we want to release the pain, shame, and trauma that exiles carry so that managers and firefighters can also be released from their burdened state of responsibility. The goal is to witness your survival, appreciate your many adaptations, and release painful energy from deep within your system so that you can choose which parts of you are in the driver seat and have increased ability to make healthy connections with others.
Q & A with Beth Magee, LPC - IFS Telehealth Collective Addictions Specialist
What would you say to someone who is considering facing their addiction and doing IFS online therapy?
I would say to get excited. There will absolutely be some challenges, but IFS Therapy is an enormous and beautiful thing to bring into your life. It is really exciting and potentially going to lead to a way that you have never had the opportunity to show up for yourself. It can also be a reconnection to the deep, authentic Self that you’ve been longing for.
What’s different about the IFS therapy relationship when recovering from addictions?
The therapist is not going to judge you or tell you what to do or pathologize you, which is common in other therapies. The therapist will listen to what you want, for what you are hoping for in your life, what needs you might have if you were to make a change and what things you would want to bring in because healing from addiction isn’t just about taking things. Also, that you get to be in the lead again and if you ever feel afraid or lose some confidence in that, the therapist will be there to help you get back aligned.
Addictions tend to leave people feeling hopeless. Anything you’d offer to someone about what it’s going to look like on the other side if they can get to a place where they can change their relationship to themselves?
There is going to be a clear path — a clear decision to make — because there is so much discomfort in the back and forth. Someone might say “I tried to change, but I failed,” or “I tried to keep drinking seven times and I have only succeeded for this long.” The difference during and after therapy, is that you’re going to have clarity of what you want to do and why you want to do it. It’s not about losing something, it is about reconnecting to what authentically thrills you in your life, not just about what takes away the pain.
How do therapists work with clients who are not being forthcoming about their addiction process?
I would be curious about the parts of them that want to be in therapy and the parts of them that think therapy is a sham. I would also help them discover what is at stake if they aren’t able to engage in therapy or if they relapse and what those might mean to their system.
Want to learn more about how IFS Telehealth Collective can help you or a loved one heal from addictive behaviors? Contact our Client Care Coordinator or call 503-447-3244 if you live in California, New York, Florida, Massachusetts, Oregon or Michigan to be matched with a trained IFS clinician.
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